I’m having a really hard time being positive right now. I’m so frustrated. And I feel so lonely. I miss my family. And I hate not spending holidays in my mom’s kitchen in Nebraska. I miss traveling home to Nebraska to see friends, sitting on the deck with my pops drinking coffee and watching the squirrels, helping my mom in the tiny kitchen that IS home, sleeping off the triptophan in my old bedroom. That’s what Thanksgiving is – and that’s what I miss. Simple really.
I’m trying so hard to make family a priority and to instill some new traditions even though we don’t get to see much of our families during the holidays. I’m frustrated that S doesn’t share this vision with me, but instead wants to go play football with kids from work while the rest of our family in Colorado participates in the Turkey Trot. My honest thoughts? He sees those kids EVERY DAY at WORK! We only get to see my brother and SIL once or twice a month – and its THANKSGIVING for crying out loud!
Spending the holidays away from all our family isn’t a new thing, so I should be used to low key uneventful holidays by now. But I have to be honest, I HATE S’s job. I hate that we never get to travel. I hate that we never get time to do the fun things associated with the holidays (holiday light parade, zoo lights, holiday parties, holiday shopping, decorating the house, etc). I hate that even if I wanted to travel to see family for the holidays that S wouldn’t be able to come with me – thus defeated the “family-ness.”
It’s no wonder that we never put up a Christmas tree. By the time Christmas is here my resolve to have a great family holiday season has been drowned in loneliness and frustration. It seems its happening earlier than expected this year.
I know I should be a little more thankful right now, especially considering it is Thanksgiving. Maybe my attitude will change by tomorrow – especially when I go home tonight and lay everything out in preparation for Thursdays meal.
Pray for an attitude adjustment for me – I think I’m turning into Mrs. Scrooge.